Have you ever been in love with someone you pictured your life with just to realise it was nothing but lies from the start? I have, and let me tell you, it fucking hurt.
Let me start at the beginning. Back in 2011 I set up an online dating profile on the ever so famous Plenty Of Fish. Surely you’ll all have heard of that one at some point or another? Well, I spoke to a few guys, but on March 1st is when I started talking to this one particular guy. We had so much in common – music, films, tattoos, kids, problems. I’m not gonna lie, I fell in love with him almost instantly. Crazy, right? Well, we talked for almost a month before I finally got to meet him. He made the trip to mine to stay overnight. Initially it was only supposed to be one night he stayed but he ended up staying longer. I know what you’re thinking, crazy taking him home after just meeting him for the first time. To be fair, I felt like I’d known him my entire life. I was so comfortable with him. We spent so much time texting, on the phone, and on webcam – back in the day when MSN was still a big thing.
We had a very turbulent and full on relationship. I was convinced this was the guy I was gonna spend my life with. We talked about marriage, kids, the future. As you can guess, I fell pregnant quite quickly into the relationship – This was planned. Looking back now I can see that it’s probably not my smartest move. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. To be honest, I wouldn’t change a thing about it now. I’ve got the most wonderful little boy as a result.
I never had any cause for concern with our relationship since we spoke all the time. I trusted him completely. What a mistake that was. Imagine my disbelief when I found out he was with someone else throughout the entire relationship. Yeah, you read that right, the entire time. How he managed to pull it off for so long I don’t know. Why aren’t some guys happy with just one person?
So, yeah, 3 months pregnant and we split up. I wasn’t playing second fiddle to anyone. I had more self respect at the time. I have never in my life experienced heartbreak like it. I sunk into a really deep depression for a while after it. Started self harming again. Yes, I self harmed when I was pregnant, but it was better than the alternative. It took me a good while to get over our relationship. Four years on and I still have difficulty trusting guys. Sorry guys, I know there’s decent ones out there.
That is the one and only time I have fell head over heels in love with someone, only to be broken by it mentally and emotionally. I struggled for a long time after the break-up. I felt like I’d lost my identity. I lost sight of who I was because I became so fixated on him and why he done it.
I’m finally ready to move on. I found myself again, and I’m in a happy place thanks to some amazing friends and family.